I sat rooted in my condo, staring at the biggest disruption to my life I had ever known, while the humans moved around in a flurry of activity, unpacking the bags they had brought in.
“Mew.”
My breathing kicked up a notch.
Big Rabbit cooed to the carrier, walked over and started unzipping it. When he turned around, there was a small, black with white marks…kitten. Little Girl rushed over and started cooing to it too. I started feeling nauseous. Mama came over to me and tried to reassure me. She failed. While babbling at me in what I’m sure was supposed to be a speech to win me over, she opened my condo door. I ran into my wooden hidey-hole, eyes fixated on the diaster.
An obnoxious jingling sounded as Big Rabbit moved a stupid looking sparkly ball on a string attached to a stick. The kitten stalked, then attacked it! I looked around at my humans. What were they thinking! Mama tried cooing to me. To my disappointment, she didn’t evaporate from my death stare. She said something about an open mind and I foot stomped.
More carrots appeared. Chewing the carrot sticks into pulp calmed me down a little. The thing didn’t even seem to notice me. Mama was still babbling, begging me to not hate her. I was not swayed, but something filtered into my brain while she droned on and on: “Freedom, you’re the biggest. The kitten doesn’t even weigh three pounds!” What fascinating information to have. I looked at the kitten anew.
Mama’s babbling interrupted my thoughts. She was telling me how just like Duke in Secret Life of Pets, he has no home and we have to take care of him, and how God sent him to us. Yeah, well, God was fine when I was the gift sent from Heaven. I made a mental note to have a word with him and to look up online how to put a hold on deliveries.
The hair on my hackles instinctively rose as Big Rabbit approached with it. Big Rabbit laid on his tummy, and clasped in his extended hands, entirely too close to my hidey-hole, sat the invader. It looked just like the kitten in Little Girl’s book, Are You My Mother? – kind of a lost, vacant expression. Mama huffed at Big Rabbit and fretted over how I would react (she should have fret a lot more this morning so we weren’t in this mess) as he said they were just coming over to say hi.
Everyone, including Little Girl, started making over me, telling me how they all love me, how great I am and how I’m the bigger one and to assert myself. I’ll let you know how it went down tomorrow. It’s breakfast time and recounting this traumatic experience is threatening my appetite.
